roncli.com blog: Starting Over

I get curious. Sometimes too curious.

In the past, too much curiosity has cost me ways. Looking back on one event in particular, I probably seemed like a stalking freak or something. People just aren't trustworthy enough to take someone at face value. Which is fine, because there are a lot of people out there that AREN'T like me, and really are stalking freaks. It's when I forget that fact that I tend to take things too far, and end up looking desperate and foolish. You live, you learn.

So when I got curious today, I happened to stumble upon a series of webpages by someone I knew over ten years ago. From the limited pages that I have read, she hasn't changed much at all, either. But with things as they are, would it be too awkward to say just hi? How do you say hi to someone you don't know anymore, and haven't spoken to in years?

When I was in Buffalo this past April to attend my grandfather's funeral, I ran into someone who was a mutual friend of myself and the aforementioned. She asked me if I kept in touch with anyone. And I haven't, but that made me think a bit. In many ways I miss the friendships I had, but so many of them were superficial. I had had it with people who wouldn't let me be me. When I moved to Houston, it was a chance for me to start over, and six months in, I finally gave myself an opportunity to find myself, and over the past eight years I have really succeeded. I didn't *need* to re-establish any friendships from Buffalo. In fact, the last time I talked to anyone I knew from there who wasn't family or in some way connected to my family was... well, you can read the result of that on a rather prominent page of my main website. (By the way, the links on that page are broken. Get the music off of tns.roncli.com instead. I'll fix them someday.)

This friendship, however, was genuine. An artist, like myself. Interested in many of the things I was. We were young, foolish, and certainly not made for each other in a romantic way, but boy did we learn that pretty fast. Time healed, and a solid friendship was born, nothing more than it was ever meant to be. In retrospect, this friendship was a good five years ahead of its time, I can't recall any other friendship like that in my time in Buffalo. I will never forget one of the last times I saw her, if it wasn't THE last time. She left me speechless telling me how our friendship had changed her life for the better.

And what has it become? Just another friend from high school that I've decided to part ways with, just so I could start over.

How CAN I say hi?

Labels: Editorials, Life

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